February is really an odd month. It's kind of like the Tuesday of months. It also has no idea what's going on with itself. Does it have 28 days? Some years it has 29. And it's never had 30 or 31. Really February, get your act together ok? You're really confusing Ephman. And what's up with that silent “R”? It's not like the word has a shortage of them, there's already another near the end. What's it doing there in the middle anyhow? Ridiculous with that extra silent “R”.

 

Right when a month starts most people kind of think “is there a long weekend this month?”. Thank gosh for Presidents' Day. But even that's messed up. See Presidents' Day is really George Washington's birthday, go figure. Ya just make sure you brush your gold fish's teeth. Alright, Valentines Day is in February. Great holiday. But that just instigates the stalkers on doing those nice grand gestures of theirs. Oh oh oh it is National Pet Dental Care Month. What there should be is a holiday dedicated to Ephman. A day you could do ANYTHING you want. Just as long as you don't hurt anybody. And Ephman means ANTYHING, bwa ha ha ha.

 

Even the people that were born in February are weird. Lawrence Taylor might have played NFL, but now he's a registered sex offender. If that doesn't make somebody weird what does? Sarah Palin has her birthday in February. And we all know what kind of nut job she is. Jimmy Hoffa's birthday is on Valentines Day. He kind of disappeared in a weird way. Zeppo Marx was born on the 25^th Come on with a name like that, “Zeppo”? And Yoko Ono also has a birthday in February, enough said.

 

A bunch of strange stuff happened in February. In 1930 the first tireless, soundless, and shockless streetcar tracks were built in New Orleans (even the city is strange). 1936, Radium E the first radioactive substance was first produced synthetically. 1937, Jim Margie bowled 900 in 3 games. 1633 Galileo Galilei was sued for saying the earth was round. And in 1973 the New York Islanders and Buffalo Sabres had a penalty free hockey game.

 

OK ya right, nobody has February as their favourite month... especially in the northern hemisphere.  Ephman lives in NYC, so he has to deal with this first hand.  But February's average temperature has a high of 5°C and low of -3°C.  Fine that's not as bad as let's say up in Canada (excluding B.C), but it's sure worse then London, or Paris.

 

So what, you agree now? February is just this weird odd month. From the name to the events. Strange stuff. Ephman kind of wishes February never existed.