Don't Get Left Behind... He Knows What He Knows
Ephman has the prediction skills of the Amazing Kreskin, and the crazy smarts of Grigory Perelman. So this year (it still being 2010) he will predict the craziness that will ensue for 2011. Some of these things might amaze you, they might surprise you, but most definitely they will maybe make you think WTF? These are the consequences to knowing the future...
Over the past few years Ephman has gone beyond the Jedi ways, and took up the art of Futurism. These 2011 predictions are all about what you care about most, money, The Oscars, technology, world affairs, and Formula One. Yes it is true that Nostradamus, has nothing on Ephman. Infact, he refused to write in his The Prophecies about Ephman. He was scared Ephman would predict him out the business... and he has with the coolest prediction for 2011.
Money Predictions For 2011
Don't worry people. The banks will still be around... no need to start using your grandmothers old mattress you still have up in the attic. It's all cool. However, even more U.S banks will be bought by those pesky Canadian banks. Canada Trust will be reintroducing the Johnny Cash card in the land of Johnny Cash (finally right?). It should be a huge hit. As far as the stock market goes for 2011, we'll see another huge year for returns for absolutely no reason. Making money on the stock market will be just like that crappy Ronco oven you see on TV all the time, "Set it and forget it". Just make sure you have a parachute for 2012... ok? Ephman's just saying...
The Oscars Predictions For 2011
So the 2010 Oscars are given out in 2011... hence the trickiness of this prediction. But Ephman will attempt to predict ALL Oscar related events in 2011. James Franco and Anne Hathaway are hosting this little shindig. First off James should be accepting awards, not doling them out... and Anne should probably fix up that "I love dating thieves", problem before giving away golden statues. So the Oscar will suck this year, don't ask Ephman why, but it's glaringly obvious (James Franco & Anne Hathaway). Not to say James isn't cool, he's totally cool. And the 2011 Best Film nominees will contain some no name movie nobody saw, but will be seen after the nomination making it an international hit.
The Technology Predictions For 2011
This is an easy one. This is the year that the 'Net starts to suck. And suck big time. Net Neutrality rules will finally be understood by the people that just passed them, and when they try watch their Netflix streamed through their Xbox they'll be like "Damn, why did I think up those retarded rules, and bend over to Comcast?". Twitter will start to fade, because really nobody clicks on anything on twitter. Advertisers will realize this in the first quarter of 2011. And Facebook will just get larger, and will end up with a seat on the U.N. Security Council. It's that, or Facebook will be bought by the FBI, CIA, DEA, & NSA secretly and you won't find out... Zukerberg will be a doppelgänger of himself next year. Oh and the big one is Ephman will buy the iPad 2.0 if it has multi-tasking and a front facing camera (with full Skype video).
World Affairs Prediction For 2011
This is easy for Ephman to predict, and there's no loss for subject either. Kim Jong-il will die from being ill (that was easy). His slow and often forgetful son Kim Jong-un will takeover wil be nicknamed the Un-Jong by North Korea late show host Conan Jong-tv. Hamas will lob some rockets over the wall (not The Wall), and Israel will level whatever small town it came from (again). Both Democrats (to save their skin), and Republicans (to say "I told you so") will speak out against most things that President Obama will want to achieve in the second half of his lame presidency. Talk about a lame duck president. He was lame before he was lame. 100% of Republican senators will come out of the closet (not that there's anything wrong with that). Canada will continue to be nice. Germany will continue to follow the rules. France will continue to complain. Cambodia will be trendy. South Africa will be forgotten (no World Cup).
Formula One Predictions For 2011
Since the "Silly Season" is done, this might be Ephman's toughest to predict. Ferrari will will both the Constructors Championship, and Frenando Alonso will win the drivers championship. There Ephman said it, now don't forget it. And he's not even a huge Ferrari fan. Michael Schumacher will start to look like his slow brother Ralf. But Mikey will let you know it's not him, it's the car. Sebastian Vettle will thinking about how fast he can get out of that RedBull contract to go drive for Ferrari. Group Lotus will beat Team Lotus, and Lotus will walk away with a branding coup. McLaren will be that close... and Williams will be nowhere. And Jacques Villeneuve will still be looking for a drive.
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